I love black thongs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
