fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
