I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
