P.S. I can't hear my feet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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