Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
