she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
