i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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