i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
