So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
