i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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