I heard we made out
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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