he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
