I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
barbara walters just said penis...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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