From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
