im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you made out with another girl for some wings
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
