I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize