i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
