'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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