she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
