just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I came so hard my ears popped.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
