Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I want a musical about memes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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