I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
