That's when you crack a 10am beer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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