You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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