Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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