let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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