Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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