Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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