Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Still dying that you shit outside
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
