OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
