genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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