im about as happy as oj after his trial
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
