It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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