I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He felt like a one man threesome
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize