There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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