i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize