can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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