Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sex in a hospital.. check
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
