sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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