We're facebook friends in real life
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
