so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
