dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
