when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
