so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
