listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
