My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
