omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
