Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
