My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
