I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize