I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
