the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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