Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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