She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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