First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
