We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
