Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
