Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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