dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
