The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
