Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
