did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
