Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
