Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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