She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
