so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
