I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
