Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
