Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
