from now on my penis is your penis
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
