Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize