At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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