I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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