If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
