I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
