that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
