so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
