just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
