Cold hands, warm shart.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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