i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
