i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize