Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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