I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
