It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
