I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
