he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
