it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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