at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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