Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
