Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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