I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
