one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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