a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
