Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
