Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
