You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
