Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She's the barista slut.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
