Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
