In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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