i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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