I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
