I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Randomize