you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
