and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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