OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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