there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you never un-have a 4some
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
