Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
