Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
