I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
