I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
