My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
